ANTICIPATING…….(more like bracing myself up)

I have noticed that nowadays Abang talks to Abah more than to me. Gone are the days when he asked me just about anything…which used to irk me sometimes, especially when he asked medically-related questions which clearly could be better  answered by Abah. I never thought that I would miss it now that its gone……Silly me, now I feel a tinge of envy whenever I saw him having a low-tone conversation with Abah. He looks so grown-up, speaking in that manner…..

He used to come home from school and regaled me with the words of praise from teachers. Always a model student ( in akhlaq matters, not academic!! he got 5As in UPSR trial though), he was once crowned ‘Pelajar Mithali”. But, he is reluctant to indulge in that kind of talk anymore, though, from Adik, I could still hear the good words on Abang in school, and amongst his many admirers!!

Up to now, the 6th Ramadhan, he is still maintaining the 20 rakaats of taraweeh plus 3 of witr at the masjid ( and wait for the ‘moreh’). Abah would come home right after taraweeh as he prefers to do witr on his own and to partake dinner as he has been having iftaar of dates and drink at masjid and would only have dinner after taraweeh to avoid sleepiness. While we are eating and chatting, we could hear him coming home, closing the gate, opening the door with his own keys, gives salaam and lock up the door, checking the bolts and all. Abah and me would smile to each other. I, for one, cannot help having this swell of pride inside me. You are so brave, matured and responsible……. 

From the deepest of my heart, I thank ALLAH for giving you to us…..you came to us after 10 years of waiting, hoping and praying. Indeed, Allah answers the prayers ( in HIS most mysterious ways) after we have reached the stage that we were certain that nothing could make it happen except when HE ordain it to happen. We have resigned to the fact that we might never have children, and strangely, were feeling okay with it. But, you came and Subhanallah, you were everything that I always dream in a baby!! 

Growing up, you have fulfilled many of our dreams. When you were just a toddler, Abah would say, “lambatnya Habri besar, nak bawak naik motor pegi masjid”. It soon happened…and when we moved to our own house, the mosque is nearer, so Abah and Abang would either cycle or walk together to the masjid. In manners too, you are what we always hope in a child. Our many relatives will testify to it!! Getting bigger and taller, you take over many of our tasks at home, making life much easier, more so as you would do it willingly on your own accord. Almost everything that we hope you would do, Allah has given you the taufeeq to do it…..

And now, is the biggest dream of Abah….and you are about to embark on the journey to fulfilling it. MasyaAllah, though we never impose it on you, you have finally decided by yourself to embrace it fully and happily. The nightly readings on the virtues of ilm and Qur’an( among others) has once again proved to be fruitful.

This melancholic writing actually came out of this……

I have been feeling sad and have been crying from time to time. Sometimes alone and sometimes with Adik or Abah when they care to layan an emotional me…huhuhu…

My beloved boy will be gone from home a few days after Raya!!!

The madrasah he is going to attend will start on the 10th of Syawwal. I am now imagining life without him….no more tens of daily kisses from him. He kisses me before and after every solat. Going to the mosque, kiss-kiss, coming back, kiss-kiss and hug, going to school, going to bed and going anywhere, must kiss Mama first…No more massaging, no more extra hand in household chores, minus one taalem reader at night, no man in the house when Abah goes out-station, the list is endless……

I A.M S.O G.O.I.N.G T.O M.I.S.S H.I.M !!!!

O Allah, in this month of barakaat, I ask Thee for the strength to face the separation…and please accept our beloved son, the apple of our eyes, to become the hafeez of Your Holy Book, the ‘alim that will benefit many and the da’ie that follows the path of the holy companions r.a….

As Anne (with an ‘e’) from The Green Gables would say…..
“Abang, your coming to our life has made our cup of happiness to be full, and Adik, when she arrived two years later, has caused it to overflow……”

(must mention Adik too,nanti ada yg merajuk)

Alhamdulillah….(feeling a bit relieved after writing this….)

HYPER-PARENTING

….is something that I am guilty of. Sucked into the black hole of endless improvement along with many other parents all over the world, some being worse than the others. 

BUT, from today onwards, I solemnly promise to you, Abang and Adik, to correct myself . I dont want to fall into the trap where each accomplishment is eclipsed by another apportunity, thus subjecting the child into never-ending pressure. I checked, and Alhamdulillah, I havent been that bad, but am surely going that way if I didnt wake myself up now. And thanks to Abah too who has always been the level-headed one, making sure all along that you two grow up to be a fine, balanced kids. Left to me alone, I’m quite sure you two will become a bit like robots…hehe.

I have known for sure now that I cant control and shape my childrens’ lives, tried as I might. It all had been pre-ordained, written in Lauhul Mahfuz, maktub. 

‘Abdullah ibne-‘Umar Radhiallahu’anhuma narrated that Rasulullah Sallalahualaihiwasallam said: Everything is destined, even mental weakness and intelligence. ( Muslim)

Over-managing and over scheduling you stems from the belief that I, as a parent, should do all those things in the names of giving you, my children, the best chance to succeed in life. How stupid I have been!! I even thought that I could produce a super-achiever!! hahaha… Please forgive me if all those hyper-parenting treatment you have been receiving all this while have subjected you two to enormous amount of stress…. ( and to think that how Abah is always trying to do opposite of what I was doing and how I always got angry with him for doing exactly that….well, u know the scenario!) I will make amends, promise!!

From now on, we will have quality time together where I wont have this nagging feeling to fill you up with infos and infos….. I will have no goal in mind beyond the pleasure of spending time together. We dont have to have a clever conversation every time. I dont have to correct your manner of speaking, point out the grammar error,point out better choice of words, the intonation etc etc….Urgh, did I really do that? Unfortunately yes….(shudder!!)

If I ever find that at the end of the day, I feel exhausted, angry and stressed up because of what I have been doing with you all day, I know that I am hyper-parenting again…..And I promise to avoid it like a plague!!!

IMPERFECTLY NATURAL pt 2

I have successfully convinced Abang to completely stop using hair-shampoo. 

No, we dont let him goes around with a headful of foul-smelling hair….. instead, he is now going around smelling like….. tomyam!! hehehe…its limau purut darling. 

Yes, he’s replacing chemical shampoo with a natural, healthier and cheaper substitute. Plus, no plastic bottles involved….The environment is smiling at Abang! 

As for Mama and Adik, we are slowly following suit….the thing is, we need the conditioner to deal with the tangles . Well, actually we wouldnt need the chemical-laden hair conditioner if we strictly follow the sunnah of our beloved prophet of oiling the hair before bedtime. Alas, due to the weakness of our imaan, we’ve been neglecting this practice. InsyaAllah, we’ll try to be more steadfast in following the sunnahs in future. 

We are now using more plants from our garden in our cleansing routine, the limau purut( kaffir lime), hibiscus leaves, bunga telang and santan to name but a few. Adik sometimes has a mandi bunga session which she loves, loves, loves…..We picked up flowers in 7 colours, put them all in a basin of water and let them soak up some energy from the sun prior to using it.

The limau purut which are in abundant in our backyard, they make good shampoo and leave behind a fragrance bathroom.


Abang and Adik, please forgive me for drilling into you (when you were smaller) to use shampoo every other day. (Or everyday if you come home with your hair soaked in sweat after an evening of out-door games with your friends) I was  ignorant and selfish. I just want you two to always smell fresh like babies, thus the enforcement. My ignorance has exposed you  to those harsh chemicals which, Na’uzubillah, could lead to many form of skin disorder/disease. From now on, I promise to make amends. So, please bear with me while I experiment with this and that….

Food wise, we have been cutting down on the usage of white flour. No more white bread now and I thank you Abang for always reminding me whenever I touched any white-flour based products. (much to my annoyance sometimes…especially when I have this craving for something not- so -wholemeal ) I’m so happy that all four of us are in this together. Everyone seems to like the changes I’ve introduced. I thought Abah would be sceptical, but turn out, he’s giving me full support, even commending me….with a reminder though. One that I absolutely agree….which is, whatever those scientists/nutritionists are discovering or recommending, we shall only follow them if they do not clash with the sunnahs of our beloved prophet. No matter what their arguments are, there’s no better way than the way of Rasulullah SAW which will guarantee the success in this world and the hereafter.

So, whatever information I came across, we make sure they are not contradictory to the sunnahs before applying them. 

The more I read, the more I see that we should go back to the ways of our grandmothers. Eat what they ate, use what they used. I still remember my own grandma ( passed on before you two were born) painstakingly made her own cooking oil from coconut . The by-product of which would be used to ‘shampoo’ our hairs. Nowadays, nutritionists all over the world are praising the coconut oil which was once deemed as the bad guy.

See, science changes all the time, but the sunnahs stay and will always be relevant till the end of this world.......

So, remember Abang and Adik, always follow the one that always stay true from the beginning to the end….

I CAUGHT A SNATCH-THIEF!!

Yes I DID!! But, errr…only on camera , hehehe..And it wasnt even me who snapped the pic! It was Fatihah (the girl I’m training to replace me at the shelter home) who did it.

I was too astounded to do anything. It happened right smack in front of my eyes!!

We were walking towards my car, having finished the day's work at the office. I didnt get to see the actual ‘snatching’ action, but I saw the snatcher being chased, caught and handcuffed . It was horrifying watching  three guys chasing him, moving swiftly amidst the traffics and ended up tackling the snatcher face down in a nearby petrol station.

And the fact that one of them produced a handcuff….(it was like watching a scene from Gerak Khas ) . 
Apparently,they were plain-clothed policemen who were actually patrolling that area. Unknown to me, the area in front of our office is actually one of the most targeted area for snatch-thief, thus the patrolling.

We actually had a lot of pictures and even one with his face right on camera but I dont feel right publishing it. And, oh, this guy was wearing a t-shirt with an " Impossible is Nothing" written boldly on the back....the other guys seen here (except the one in helmet) are the policemen.

I just cannot forget the guy’s face. I always have this image in my mind that a snatcher is a scruffy-looking, thin with an unkempt appearance…..but this guy totally did not fit into that. He couldnt be more than 20 years of age, have a strong body and surprisingly, good-looking. He looked just like your typical college-goers…..When he was caught, he got the gut to smile at people crowding in to take a look at him!!

People were saying that he was lucky the police were there, otherwise he would have been beaten to a pulp by the people. 

I felt uneasy for the rest of that day……I told Abang And Adik about the incident, showed them the pictures and as usual, poured my heart out to them. I told them how sad/ashamed his parents would feel should they get to know of their son being caught snatching……

Two days later…….

Adik and me were browsing the aisle of children clothing at Billion supermarket and it happened again!! And I saw the snatcher again. This time, surprise, surprise…..it was a teenage girl! Dressed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. I actually saw her when she was running away after snatching a necklace from a 6-year-old girl who was trailing behind her mother. The little girl cried out of pain as her neck was bleeding from the snatching and it was only then her mother realised and shouted for help. One of the sales attendant gave a chase but lost her in the midst of weekend shoppers.

Nowadays, Adik’s hand is always firmly in mine whenever we walk in the public places. Not that Adik is wearing any golden ornaments, but , still, I dont feel safe anymore. I feel suspicious to all youngsters hanging around in malls, on the bikes at the traffic lights and everywhere….

I know we are reading/hearing about this snatch-thief almost everyday in the media, but when it happened right in front of you, you get some sort of rude awakening…..

All I can think of is, all of us must double our effort in amr maaruf nahi mungkar works….this is the only sure-fire way to combat all these bad things happening around us…… 

p/s yes, i have a new template, thanks to Kak Cik, the petite lady with many blogs, talents and professions....

RUBELLA STRIKES!!

Abang is down with Rubella....on the very first day the school re-opens after a 2-week holidays. My poor darling boy...... He's covered from head to toe with angry red rashes. It started on the face and then rapidly spreaded to the trunk and limbs. We cannot be sure where did he get it. As the incubation period for this disease is 2 to 3 weeks, he might had contracted it from somebody way before school holidays.....and now, looks like Abang got himself another week of school holidays!!

Alhamdulilllah, regardless of the fever and itchiness, Abang is doing all what he's supposed to do. The five prayers, the daily qur'an recitation and hafadzan, the study and even his share of houseworks....I cannot help feeling proud seeing him doing all these.

Here's Abang, smiling, despite the discomfort.....

The rashes even got into his eyes and scalp too....but Abang is so patient, hardly scratching/complaining at all.



And here's Grey, faithfully accompanying Abang, in health and sickness.....

( she's wearing her new bow, a gift we brought home from our holidays to make up to her for leaving her , taken care of by our kind neighbour who is also madly in love with her, Makcik Zon...Grey, as usual, was upset to be left behind and rebelled by overeating.....result being, her tummy now touches the floor when she moves. Must put her on a strict diet......)





Well, Abang, just thank Allah that rubella strikes you in your young age, thus, minimal systemic upset. I got mine in my late twenties and had to suffer stiff joints for nearly a month , made worse by the notorious Scottish winter. As it is a self-limiting disease, Insya Allah, you'll be up and about in just a few days. Till then, enjoy your extended leaves!!

VENTING OUT....

This is my third and I hope, the last of my appointment as the manager of this shelter home. I know, it sounds selfish when I say that....but, one cannot swallow more than what one can chew.(ada ke peribahasa mcm ni, kalau takde, consider it my invention, tp mcm pernah dengar) 

I got mentally and emotionally exhausted at the end of the days that I have to deal with parents and problematic trainees. No, its not about their discipline or anything to do with it, the two wardens handle that admirably. I deal with their innermost feeling. Their confusion, their uncertainty, their fear, their guilt and everything else in their heads. They will just pour their hearts out and look up to me to give the solution..... How I wish I could have the answers , only I dont........But I try me best. Summoning all my concentration, for these kids always know when we are listening to them half-heartedly. At the same time, trying to assemble an answer in my head. Raking my failing memory box for the stories of Anbiyaa' or the holy companions that I could relate to their predicament. Then, speak to them word by word, repeating it again and again...trying to make them digest the words and praying to Allah to please, please give them understanding.......and most of time too, the 'waterwork' will be going on full-blast and I would involuntarily join in. Sigh......

The days with parents are no easier...... When they come for interviews, they are all humble and repentance. Nodding vigorously to all my suggestions, agreeing with my every word, attentively listen to my 'lectures'...model parents in short!! And if I say,
  " Maaf ya, anak puan/encik ni tak sesuai dengan tempat kami / kami penuh sekarang, next intake is in 2 months time...", 
they will start pleading...Oh how they plead! They would accuse me of not understanding their HUUUGE problem. So now they have the biggest problem on the earth. So now they realise how bad the situation is and look, it has crept into their own home!! They couldnt believe it is happening to them. They are good people ( they always say that) and their children are good, they are not at fault. It is the world against them.......I will usually let them blabber for a good 10 minutes or until they are out of their breath. I dont need to counter that, dont have the strength left even if I want to. 

These are the same people whose forehead never crease a single frown seeing ma'asiat rampantly taking place around them . Enough said.

By mid-June or latest, early July, I hope to be freed from this taxing task....I need to tackle those books that I ordered online and still in their wrappers. Ditto those magazine that we ( me and Abah) subscribe to that keep piling up and blogs of friends that I used to frequent before. So swamped I was with works that I even missed an important announcement made by a good friend on her blog. What would she'd think when I didnt react to that piece of joyous news....some good friend I am.

Thanks to you my dearest.....Abah, Abang and Adik, for bearing with me and my mood swings( always happen when I'm tired and under stress), for listening to me when I felt nauseated and had to spill everything out and for closing an eye to all my shortcomings in being a wife and mother during those times...... 

p/s Dik, sori ye,this month I can only manage this one post....

COMING OF AGE

Adik turned 10 on February 19th and Abang became 12 on March 5th. As usual, we do not make a fuss over birthdays. Sometimes we even forget about them altogether.

However, this year, Mama happened to remember ( actually, I always remember..) and wished or, more accurately, made a special do’a for both of you. Adik requested a home-made chocolate cake and to please bake it in a bundt tin. Abang, ever the thoughtful one, gave Mama a choice, either a cheesecake or a fruit cake, whichever is easier for Mama. ( Mama translate it to what ingredients do I have in my pantry).

It was weeks later before the cakes materialised. Better late than never kan!!

Here they are…..drool!

(Abang's fruit cake that he brought to school to share with friends)

(Adik's chocolate cake baked in bundt tin becouse she loves to see the topping running dow n the grooves...)

With 12th birthday, come the long-awaited IC. Abang was so excited by it. A few of his friends have already own one and been showing them off at school. Abang couldnt wait to have his….

Seeing how excited you were, Abah and me, took advantage of it……hehe..sorry ye Bang…we told you how you must now be more responsible and be a grown up in general…..otherwise, the JPN might deem you are not quite ready to own an IC and refuse to let you have one!!

We started with your waking up in the morning, as in responding to the alarm instead of sleeping through it nonchalantly!!! Abah stressed on the importance of going to the mosque for all 5 prayers regardless wether Abah is around or not. Mama stressed on less manja/merajuk/long face dan apa2 yg sewaktu dengannya.

So, I'm happy to report now that we dont have to wake you up in the mornings anymore!!! Soon as the alarm went-off at 5.30 am, Abang is all rise and shine!! By the time the mu’azzein calls the azan, Abang is all ready in school uniforms and goes to the mosque either walking or cycling, depending on the mood of that particular day.

Hehehe…it works!!! Err…cannot say the same about the manja part…he still need 3 good night kissing sessions before bed…..one right after ta’alem, another one coming out of toilet and teeth-brushing and last one, Mama and Abah have to go kiss him in his bedroom!! Either that or he’ll come knocking on our door…..deny him of that, a long face will greet us in the morning!

Abang now goes to the mosque for all 5 prayers, with Abah and alone if Abah is not home. Abah got him a kind of torch light that you wear on your head . So, Abang shines in the dark….literally. May Allah shines your way in the akhirah as He has promised to for those who frequents the mosque even in the dark.

Alhamdulillah….so much improvement in other areas too. Abang has taken full responsibilities on making sure all windows are shut by six pm. and taking out the garbage, both to the compost heap and to the big bin outside.

As for Adik, you are doing extremely fine with keeping your room spick and span. I am so please about this!! We got her a set of cute pink broom and dustpan ( YES,everything must be PINK) and hang it behind her bedroom door and she’s been using it every morning before going off to school. Well done Adik!!

And Adik has taken up the task of clearing up the table after every meal and has been doing it remarkably well. All these however, cannot surpass the happiness she brought us when she declared that she’s now going to be a full time hijabi……Alhamdulillah!! Now we see Adik putting on a tudung everytime she goes out of the house….

All things well and good…..but I cant help noticing something that never were there before…..and they’re bothering me!!

Abang used to be clueless about why girls kept throwing glances at him, kirim salam via Adik, sending to him small gifts every so often etc. Nowadays, he smiles sheepishly everytime one particular girl passes in front of him/us and blushes too!! Oh, how he blushes!!

Out of a heap of gifts he gets from girls on his birthday, ( it came from year 4,5 and 6 girls!!) he seems to like the one from that girl so much. Hemm…very disturbing indeed!! And, oh, dont let me start on the girls…they are so daring nowadays!! The girl from year 4 sent her gift, a story book, with the inscription, ‘untuk lelaki pujaan ku !!!

Adik pulak….keeps noticing her physical body changes and secretly wishing ( I just know!) that she’ll have her menstruation soon!!

If it is up to me, I want both of you to stay young forever….be my babies always…..

But,….I guess the time has come for me to start telling you about birds and bees…more seriously. I’ve been telling you bits of it every now and then, but now is the time to be open and all.

I am so worried about this. Working with the shelter home, make me more aware of this matter. Seeing three 13-year-old gave birth has changed me. I am now more committed than ever to do the work of da’awah. I have come to realise that what is happening to our society now is actually a bala from The Almighty. Every one of us has to do the work of amr maaruf nahi mungkar. It is the neglecting of it that has brought out this calamity that we are facing now. It really is not enough for us to just keep an eye on our own family and turn a blind eye on our neighbours, friends and society as a whole.

O Allah, give us strength to do this noble work and please, please choose all of us to be Your da’ie......