Tuesday, May 19, 2009

VENTING OUT....

This is my third and I hope, the last of my appointment as the manager of this shelter home. I know, it sounds selfish when I say that....but, one cannot swallow more than what one can chew.(ada ke peribahasa mcm ni, kalau takde, consider it my invention, tp mcm pernah dengar) 

I got mentally and emotionally exhausted at the end of the days that I have to deal with parents and problematic trainees. No, its not about their discipline or anything to do with it, the two wardens handle that admirably. I deal with their innermost feeling. Their confusion, their uncertainty, their fear, their guilt and everything else in their heads. They will just pour their hearts out and look up to me to give the solution..... How I wish I could have the answers , only I dont........But I try me best. Summoning all my concentration, for these kids always know when we are listening to them half-heartedly. At the same time, trying to assemble an answer in my head. Raking my failing memory box for the stories of Anbiyaa' or the holy companions that I could relate to their predicament. Then, speak to them word by word, repeating it again and again...trying to make them digest the words and praying to Allah to please, please give them understanding.......and most of time too, the 'waterwork' will be going on full-blast and I would involuntarily join in. Sigh......

The days with parents are no easier...... When they come for interviews, they are all humble and repentance. Nodding vigorously to all my suggestions, agreeing with my every word, attentively listen to my 'lectures'...model parents in short!! And if I say,
  " Maaf ya, anak puan/encik ni tak sesuai dengan tempat kami / kami penuh sekarang, next intake is in 2 months time..."
they will start pleading...Oh how they plead! They would accuse me of not understanding their HUUUGE problem. So now they have the biggest problem on the earth. So now they realise how bad the situation is and look, it has crept into their own home!! They couldnt believe it is happening to them. They are good people ( they always say that) and their children are good, they are not at fault. It is the world against them.......I will usually let them blabber for a good 10 minutes or until they are out of their breath. I dont need to counter that, dont have the strength left even if I want to. 

These are the same people whose forehead never crease a single frown seeing ma'asiat rampantly taking place around them . Enough said.

By mid-June or latest, early July, I hope to be freed from this taxing task....I need to tackle those books that I ordered online and still in their wrappers. Ditto those magazine that we ( me and Abah) subscribe to that keep piling up and blogs of friends that I used to frequent before. So swamped I was with works that I even missed an important announcement made by a good friend on her blog. What would she'd think when I didnt react to that piece of joyous news....some good friend I am.

Thanks to you my dearest.....Abah, Abang and Adik, for bearing with me and my mood swings( always happen when I'm tired and under stress), for listening to me when I felt nauseated and had to spill everything out and for closing an eye to all my shortcomings in being a wife and mother during those times...... 

p/s Dik, sori ye,this month I can only manage this one post....

9 comments:

kakchik said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh, Kak An... I feel so sorry for you... Although I think that you are one good counselor-manager at that shelter home and always wish that you'll be able to help those kids, I also know how much you wish to get back to your own life. If I'm asked to do that voluntary work as you do, I don't think I can do it. I think the management likes what you've done there, that's why they keep coming back for you. Insya-Allah, you'll find your self-satisfaction soon. Knowing you, I feel so proud that sometimes I tell people that a good friend of mine is doing voluntary job at a shelter home. A job that needs lots of patience and'ilm.

And... don't worry... I won't be mad at you.

Nor said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Niza, I know you would understand...thanks.

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

kesian kat k.an...huhu
i understand how it's feeling...may Allah bless you

bargainhunter said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Tumpang Iklan;

product dari UK ke malaysia:

http://www.bargainhunteronlineshop.com/

Finie

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Salam.
A housewife will always be happy with their status.. huh??? Even though you are not a manager anymore, but I think you can still continue as volunteer and dai'e in your own style. Frankly, I think your present in RS is so important and do please continue your voluntary work....
Umi Taufeeq

Nor said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Anon,
If you know how it feels,I presume you are either Hasmah or Shahra, betul tak?

Bargain hunter,
Boleh je tumpang iklan kat sini, tp blog ni tak berapa kerat je yg membacanya...anyway,good luck in your new venture!

Umi Taufeeq,
Hehehe...at last you do find time to leave a comment here.Really appreciate it...
Alaa, you know me la kan, the ultimate housewife...and yes, i will continue teaching and menyibuk kat situ

Jannah said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Salam kak An,

I was just wondering abt you. How are u n your family doing these days? May Allah makes your task easy and continue to bless u with countless blessings. Pls remember me in your du'as..

Nor said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Jannah dear,
Alhamdulillah we are doing fine....sekarang ni cuti sekolah, so, as usual la, kenduri sana-sini and abang & adik bersuka-ria dgn sepupu2 mereka yg balik kampung!

Mention me in yours too...

sakinah said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

kak an, i totally agree and understand your feelings and situation.Your dilemma. I've been there.being a social worker is akin to having an emotional roller coaster.i had one huge ride when i was involved with SERENTI.i had to muster all my strength to be natural and non judgmental because we are certainly far from perfect.after every session, i was numb with all kinds of feelings. all i could do is pray and pray.but surprisingly, i became more alert towards my own children's feelings because i hear all kinds of experience thath make them addicted to drugs in the first place.Believe me..I UNDERSTAND!