S's SAD STORY

On the second day of Raya, S, the 14 y.o trainee gave birth to a boy. I didnt get to see them until a week later when my class resumed. The baby usually stay with the mother not more than one week in the Home, but with people still in holiday mood, the adoption process was slow. Thus, I got to see her nursing the baby.....and the image stuck in my mind . And it is most disturbing.....


She is so small, that girl...lt was so not right to see her breastfeeding the baby. The breasts were naturally engorged and disfigured her and she had this bewildered look in her eyes.....

I cried there and then, which is not appropriate at all.


I always have a soft spot for her since she was referred to this Home by the JKM. She is a real rape victim as opposed to those alleged ones(where they claimed to be raped, but upon questioning, its always the same old story of following the boys home after a few dates....so, it cannot be classified as rape per se as they are looking for it!) . Raped by a stoned neighbour, assisted by her own auntie who is the girlfriend of the said addict!!


When she first came, she had this empty look on in her eyes. She is a pretty girl with big round eyes but those eyes are always staring through you, as if you dont exist. She didnt talk, didnt smile and cowered everytime we spoke to her.
During interview, she said nothing at all. 
The manager only got the story from her mother who is a factory worker. When I finally met her a week later, she opened up to me. Detailing the two occasions she was violated. She spoke with this small and innocent voice that really affected me.

The wretched drug-addict was subsequently arrested but guess what? His parents bailed him out and then, had the gut to go and scolded S's grandma for reporting their son!! Huh! some people.........


She gradually warm up to the kakak-kakak at the Home. After about 3 months, she finally "see" us....smile, and generally have purpose in her eyes again. It was really a blessing in disguise for her to end up here. She has stopped schooling after finishing primary school, therefore didnt read very well ,couldnt recite the qur'an, almost never pray and actually living no life at all.....

Nowadays, she reads confidently, finishing the muqaddam and jokes around with other trainees, even able to ask questions in class. She is well-liked by all, never brought any problem to the management, always helpful.I think she is happier here than in her own home.
Her family cannot afford the fee, so she is fully sponsored by the Home itself.


I shuddered thinking about the home she is going to go back to, few months from now. The small space occcupied by 9 other people including THE auntie and S's stepfather......I did talk to Abah about the possibility of 'adopting' her....Abah has no problem with the idea but I'm quite sure her mother wont listen to it. As for you two, Abang and adik, I'm sure you would like to have a live-in kakak......kan?? Let us pray to Allah to give the best solution for this......


As I'm writing this, M, the manager text me about not yet finding the suitable family to adopt S's baby......We do have a waiting list for adopting family but it seems that everyone wants a girl. And girls are rarely born here for the reasons known only to Allah.


Poor S...its hard enough to give up your own child for adoption.

Those tear-jerking moments at Oath Commissioner's I've endured during the days I managed the Home. A child is a child, however way it is born.....those girls would cry their hearts out forgetting that they never want the baby in the first place( some even tried to abort them.....) 
We tried to go over the adoption process as soon as possible, before the bonding of mother and baby set in to avoid more stress on the mothers.

Poor, poor S....it will be very hard for her as the bonding has surely taken place now. It's been nearly a month. I pray for a good family to come soon and take the baby to raise as their own.......

SICKLY SYAWWAL

Actually, it started one week into Ramadhan with Mak Tok. High grade fever which then subsided after a few days but the lethargy remains for quite some times.
Mak Tok regained vitality with the coming home of her anak-cucu and much missed Tok Ayah who had been spending time on the path of Allah, spreading deen.
The other Tok Ayah( Abah's father) then took over. He couldnt even make it for Eid prayer at the mosque. And up until today, Tok Ayah is still weak. Being old, one thing lead to another. He is now suffering from gout and bad cough as well.


On 3rd Syawwal, as usual, we held our open house . 
Family members from 8am to 12am and friends after Jumaat prayer. We got Nasi Dagang with two types of curries, ketupat palas and rendang, nasi himpit and sambal su'un, satay, jelly and assortments of cakes and cookies. ( Thankyou to KakChik Khadijah and Kakak Naheed for helping out the night before, really appreciate it, next year, tolongla lagi....) 

 By 12, most of our family were here and soon after, took off for their respective long journey home. By 1 o'clock Adik was very quiet, didnt even smile when Aisyah and Anah came. Mama thought it was due to sadness of parting with her many cousins who had been sleeping over for the past few days. Rupa2nya Adik dah 'caught' the virus......

When they came in the morning, Pak Uda, Mak Uda, Kak Teh Naufa and Qayya were already squirming with fever . Ayah Chik Razif came alone as Cik La and kids were already not well. Mak who went home a bit later than others reported that she had to drive all the way to their home in Kota Damansara as Ayah had a high temperature and couldnt possibly drive.

Everybody else seems to pick up from there. Ayah Mat and family, Cik Jah's kids, Mak Su Pah's and even Mama !!

Mak Uda called yesterday inquiring about Tok Ayah and told us how Pak Uda is still not well. Let's pray that their family will be well soon as they are going to have a kenduri kahwin Abang Ngah in 2 weeks time.

That's the characteristic of this fever that everyone seems to succumb. Slow recovery. Maybe it's due to our body being weak after a month long of fasting. The kids loose their appetites and the elders ( me included) are aching all over the body, more so in the leg area . I personally feel my bones rattle and my joints click whenever I move. Got both of them arthralgia and myalgia.

My friend, Dr Noran, thought, instead of normal viral fever, it might be Chikungunya.....sad news is, there is no specific treatment for it.


I guess we all just have to endure it.....patiently, while hoping for rewards from Allah. And may it become the atonement
of our sins.......


Abang and Adik on the 1st shawwal.

HERE'S HOPING

Ramadhan is leaving us soon....sigh.

Abang's zeal for tarawih somehow fizzles down though not totally out and Adik, on the other hand picks up.

In keeping with sunnah, Abah sometimes do the tarawih at home with us.... and one night, Abang fell asleep in tasyahhud during the first two rakaat. He didnt wake up until we finished the set, Abah recited do'a, cuit dia and he duly collapsed. Hilarious, really. 

After that, Abang would do the tarawih on his own ,sometimes only 2 or 4 rakaats, but never ponteng. And last night, Abang joined Abah's jamaah of i'tikaaf. Alhamdulillah....he has been wanting to do that since last year but mama and Abah were a bit skeptical as he was still prone to bedwetting every now and then at that time.

Both of you were given a some sort of check up list by your school whereby you have to put a tick in the boxes when you do the good deeds such as fasting, do the 5 solats, tadarrus, helping people,speaking nicely etc. It is supposed to be done before you go to bed everynight. But, Adik, true to her style, confidently and boldly put a tick on all the boxes of fasting and solat for everyday of the month, on the very first day the cards were handed!! 

She, of course, got an earful from Mama....

Contrarily, Abang would sit down and ponder and ponder and ponder....especially on the part of ' meninggalkan percakapan sia-sia'. Hemmph....

Few days ago,in the morning, Adik pestered Mama to let her help out as she noticed that the boxes of 'menolong ibubapa' on her card are mostly unticked. There was nothing to do really as we eat very simply, especially during this last 10 days where Abah's not home, away on his i'tikaaf. Mama will only start cooking at 6 pm. The house was still clean , the washing machine was already loaded, so, there's nothing to do....

So, I asked her to write down the shopping list as I was going to do the grocery later.

I dictated, she wrote.

Later, in Tesco, I couldnt help laughing as I pulled it out from my handbag. Neatly numbered and written: fetoochini,fresh milk, chesse, lazaniye sheets, carrots, salary,tofu,tempe, cat food, Preggo tomato pest and lots other misspelt items...I went home and made her do the correction!! hahaha....It's a good thing I was the one doing the shopping, kalau Abah, tak tau la...salary Adik??

Anyways.....

Alhamdulillah, all in all, I notice that both of you seems to understand the spirit of Ramadhan better. Adik even said she's feeling sad that Ramadhan will soon be gone. Though I'm quite sure the sadness will be gone as soon as you meet your cousins tomorrow at Tok Ayah's for berbuka.

Now she understands why, 3 years ago when we spent our last 2 weeks of Ramadhan in the holy lands, people were visibly sad and the mood was generally gloomy when it was announced that the anak bulan syawal had appeared. It was so strange for her and I couldnt make her understand as she was so used to scream ," yay, yay esok raya" upon the announcement by pemegang mohor besar raja2 with other small cousins back home year in, year out. Now, she says, she understands........

In Makkah, 3 years ago, adik was 6 and Abang 8. Both of you fasted fully despite the heat. Adik, seemed like a small girl, kept being offered candies and such by the kind shopkeepers every time we stop to look at their goods. Adik learnt to say, Ana saum....with pride, to the amused gentlemen. 

Abang would follow Abah everywhere and even did the tawaf sunat after zohor with Abah, as there were less people around, and didnt complain of heat at all....such a keberkatan tanah suci I guess.

It was during this time too that Adik gained the title of cucu kesayangan Mak Tok. Mak Tok was not very well most of the time and Adik would always give Mak Tok a massage and forever looking out for her . We would walk in three's. Abah, Tok Ayah and Abang while Mama with Mak Tok and Adik. Mak Tok and Adik would hang on to Mama's telekong. Once while going up from kaabah area to the masjid, a group of BIG Turkish ladies, rempuh us and we were separated and swallowed by the crowd. Adik loudly shouted Mak Tok's name and frantically groping for her hands. When I later asked her, she said, she was not afraid at all, just worried for Mak Tok.....Mak Tok, then, kept telling everyone back home about that incident and kept puji2 Adik la....

In a few days we will celebrate 'Idil Fitri. I hope both of you will keep in mind all your responsibilities as I wouldnt be able to locate you sometimes when all of Tok Ayah's clan gather. So many of us!! So, when prayer times come, please do leave whatever joyous things you are doing with your cousins and go to HIM. Abah and Mama might not be able to find you!! And mind your manners.....especially with the elders. And no fire-crackers, unless Ayah Mer supplies and supervises...

And here's hoping we would be able to undergo another Ramadhan and may it be more fruitful then this one......

RAMADHAN UPDATES

So, we are in the 2nd week of Ramadhan.....

So far so good for both of you. No complain of hunger, tiredness whatsoever, Alhamdulillah. Abang has lost a bit of weight as he is not eating as much as when he is not fasting. Nothing to worry about....As for the enthusiasm for tarawikh, Abang shows some improvement, Adik...hemmm, no comment.wink*

Abang was so enthusiastic, that on the first night, he prayed more than 20 raka'ats!!! Rupa2nya silap faham....hehehe...

Few nights before Ramadhan, Abah was telling us how Rasulullah did the tarawikh at home and Sayyidina Umar started to do it in congregation at the mosque during his caliphate. And Abah said something about the choice of doing it in 8's or 20's, and encouraged us to do as much devotion as possible in this blessed month.

Abang did the first night of tarawikh at the mosque with Abah for 20 raka'ats. Back home, he added 20 more as he mistakenly thought 20 means 20 salaams......Mama and abah were wondering while he was praying, ingatkan sembahyang hajat ke apa...

Abang,Abang....you are soooo pure and lurus!!

In the first week, Tok Su was here for a corrective surgery as she was not happy with the outcome of the surgery done on her broken wrist few months ago. Kak Chik came for iv antibiotic course for the infection on her knee and she is still here till the end of the week. We must thank Allah for giving the chance for us to have more pahala by having guests in our home in this blessed month of Ramadhan.

There's only one thing Abah and me want to stress here for both of you, while reminding ourselves.

Contrary to the wide practice everywhere, Ramadhan is not the month of feasting....We will try not to go to any Ramadhan bazaar as, being weak in imaan, it will surely defeat the purpose of fasting which is to fight our nafs. All those arrays of tempting food will make us buy more than our actual need and will then result in wasting and syaitaan will then laugh at us in their shackles. Without them around, we still cannot beat our nafs as we have been nurturing it all year long......

InsyaAllah, we will try to eat as simply as possible. 

Sahur for us has always been like daily breakfast with the same menu like toasts, cereals and the likes. Iftar, sometimes we will have a type of kuih, and sometimes we will just make do with kurma. Alhamdulillah, so far no complain from you.....As for lauks, two dishes are all that I will prepare, one with gravy and the other will be dry, vege is a must. We dont need many dishes....when we are hungry, anything would taste good, even nasi with kicap....which is what the poors usually have most days in their live....something we are fortunate enough not to have to face it.

So, my little darlings, let's make this Ramadhan as beneficial as possible for us....

Let's take as much of the rahmats of this month...

Let's recite as much Qur'an as possible, give away sadaqahs, do good to everyone and most importantly, worship HIM with more sincerity.....

p/s

I promised Abah to khatam 5x in this month.....but as ramadhan just started 2 days ago for me, looks like it is quite impossible....maybe 3x only, ok Bah...

A WEDDING AND TWO HOUSEWARMINGS

The last school break went by like a lightning......

At the beginning of the break, we were so busy furnishing our new condo. Mak Uda and family then 'officiates' it by being the first one to spend the night there. They came home for Abg Long Anas's wedding, who got hitched to Kak Izza, adding yet another MD in our family. Mama and Abah were terribly busy, but, Alhamdulillah, with so many of your cousins balik kampung, you were occupied and happy read didnt bother us.

The condo not quite ready yet as the front grill need to be altered. It may take another couple of weeks before we could hand it to Ridel Hotel to turn it into service apartment. Good news for you as you would still get the chance to use the swimming pool, just in time before Ramadhan. We did the 'housewarming' our way. All four of us did our sembahyang hajat individually and Abah then recited Surah al-Baqarah. It took him over 1 hour to finish it. That's it. May Allah bless this house. (Rasa sayang pulak nak turn it to a rented place. The Kelantan river flows gracefully infront with a breathtaking view and from our window we get the magnificent view of Masjid Muhammadi and Padang Merdeka. Very nice indeed. The bonus is, the mosque is walking distance. It would be nice to do the tarawikh prayers there. Hemmm, I might pujuk Abah to delay the handing over.......)

The wedding took three days, the aqad nikah, the kenduri at Kak Izza's and finally the hectic one at Ayah Mat's. Abg Long and Kak Izza make a handsome couple, bagai pinang di belah dua. Hectic it was because the invitees turnout was overwhelming. Abg Long, being so active in many NGOs and whatnots, have soooo many friends and almost all came!! As for Ayah Mat and Cik Ma, they are known for their very courteous way in dealing with people, thus respected by many and people came to honour them. In droves!!! By 5.30 pm all the food were gone and guests were still pouring!! Mak Uda and Cik Jae the Prof took over Cik Ma's kitchen and emptied the freezer and larder. They expertly turn everything into edible things....Mama, Abah, Kak Aishah, Abg Ngah and many others,one after another, ran to the nearby restaurants and took away their gulais and ayam pedas and tomyams in the big pots and pans. It was hectic alright but no one minded because we all love Abg Long. Yes we did joke about it and warned him not to get married again as we couldnt bear to go through this again.....Abg Long is loved by all uncles and aunties for his good manners and for always being helpful to others.

Here's a picture of the happy couple....

Abg Long Anas Karimi & Dr Nurul Izza

We then took off to KL for yet another kenduri. The housewarming of Cik Lah and Ayah Pa. They are so lucky to get a big bungalow with a stunning view of hills and waterfall!! Imagine sitting on the front porch while listening to the sound of waterfall....blissful!

 Breakfast al fresco in Cik Lah's garden.

                         Drunken sailors in full bloom

 At the nearby waterfall...with Nana.





The kenduri was of the opposite end of the wedding. Lots and lots of food was still there by 7pm. Ayah Pa, always the generous one, ordered too much. There were nasi biryani, nasi dagang and bihun goreng for main dish. The desserts were bubur kacang, tepung pelita, slices of watermelons , jellies and the neighbours brought many others. Almost all invitees turned up but most of them didnt eat much as there were also few other kenduris nearby on the same day. Alhamdulillah, it didnt get wasted just like that as Abah happened to know an Ustaz at the nearby Bukit Beruntung Madrasah. A call was made and some students came over and took the food back to their madrasah and saved us from membazir.

The best part was the gathering of mama's sibling. We got to meet the newly promoted Brig Jen Ayah Long...dah lama tak jumpa dia. Ayah Az just sent Cik Ti as he is on his routine 3 days a month of learning deen. We met Ayah Chik Ju, Pak Uda Firdaus and Ayah Ngah ......it was fun,fun, fun....Mak Tok was ferried from one child's house to another while we spent 2 nights at Mak's and the rest at the new abode of Cik Lah's.

We came home on sunday, meaning you two ponteng 1 school day....and now we are gearing up for the blessed month of Ramadhan. May Allah give us the the taufiq to do as much ibadah as possible to get the 70x rewards for the fardh and the reward of fardh for the sunat ones.

OF RAIN AND SADAQAH.....

It's been raining everynight lately. Rain is good. We all love rain, especially when it comes pouring down at night time. It makes the night cooler and the morning after, fresher. Plus, we dont need to use air-cond at night....kinder on the electricity bill. And no watering the plants... kinder on my back...

Whenever it rains, I notice that both of you would immediately recite the Rain Prayer. Without me reminding or prompting, as in other occasions such as waking up from sleep or going to sleep for that matter. And lot more others....you know,where I always sound like a broken record!

 But I dont mind that because I'm always hoping to get reward from Allah for teaching good things to my kids. I always do it consciously......

So, when rain comes, you would recite the doa and remind each other should one forgets. And, would immediately say, "Chik Jah taught us this do'a. She said we would be rewarded as much as the raindrops if we recite this do'a." You always always say that....and I AM jealous of Chik Jah!

I must teach you other do'as as much as possible before somebody else teach you and get the rewards for it......hehehe,see how kiasu Mama is!!

Anyway, thanks to Chik Jah for that. May Allah gives you the best reward......

I hope, both of you, Abang and Adik, will always treasure all those do'as and hafadzans that you've been learning since small and make it a practice in your whole lifetime.

I wont be here forever to see to it......

In fact, I'm writing this now so that you could read it in future and be reminded of what Abah and me are hoping from you.

We hope that you'd be successful persons.That's what we are hoping from you. And you know how we define success.....

It's not about whether you will get to be a doctor, engineer , astronaut or in Adik's case, a zoologist. It is about whether you could live this life while at all time obeying the commandments of Allah, stay away from His prohibitions according to the way shown by our beloved prophet Muhammad SAW. That IS success in our book.

Abah and me try as much as we could to instill in you two, the value of the life in the hereafter. Try as we could, we are not always successful as we ourselves are so full of love for this world and the worldly things around us. The fact is, by teaching you, we are actually reminding ourselves. Isn't it great?

So, my darlings, let us be a family that always lovingly reminding each other, ok.

(Adik is doing very well on this. Always very vocal when critisizing Mama especially, hemmm......)

At this moment, you two seems to have some insight of the value of your good deeds.....Recently, we read a hadeeth about how if you recite 100 ayats in one night, you will be rewarded as one who spend the whole night in worship. I then noted, "oh, I just recited surah yaseen tonight, which is only 83 ayats...", a bit sadly.

Later on, Abang came near me and said, 

" Mama, I counted the ayats that I recited tonight and it was nearly 500 ayats. So, Abang nak sedekah kan Mama yang lebih tu so that you could get the reward for reciting 100 ayats". 

It was so sweet and thoughtful of you Abang!! It brought tears to my eyes......you are such a darling.

As for Adik, you are very fond of fasting. You've been doing the puasa sunat even when Mama is not. I just cannot remember fasting the whole of Ramadhan in my tender age, let alone doing the sunat ones. Both of you started to fast the complete month of Ramadhan when you were 6.

Abang always want to do the obligatory prayers at the mosque to get the multiple rewards . Sometimes Mama would discourage you from going....when it looks like the rain is coming and Abah is not around. I was worried that you'll be cycling alone in the dark and anything could happen. But you'll reassure me that Allah will protect you as you are going to His house. You made me ashamed of myself sometimes.....

So, Abang and Adik, please,please dont let anything rob you from these good habits....we must always keep improving ourselves. 

Lets make tomorrow better than today.....

AZ-ZAIN... AT LAST

Alhamdulillah, Az-zain finally arrived on our shore....and makes my life easier in a way that I dont have to spend so much time reading all those frosty small prints at the back of frozen food wrappers at the supermarket.


Abang,you can now eat the chicken on our table with peace of mind....I hope it makes you happy.


Eversince he reads about the adverse effects on eating mass produced poultry quite some times ago, he has been reluctant to eat chicken. Questioning almost everytime a chicken dish appears(come to think of it, how come you'd never fire any q's when eating kay eff see?) ,"  Mama, ni ayam kampung ke ayam 'bandar'?"  Since it is not easy for mama to get her hands on ayam kampung, Mama is prone to resort to white lies...the answer would usually sounds like," I bought this at a kampung..."(while thanking God that we are actually living a place called kampung even though it is not actually very kampung ) implying that is some sort of ayam kampung....hehehe...sorry Abang. 
I'm sure by the time you are interested enough to read this blog, you would be able to forgive me,kan! As for the time being, you show no interest at all....unlike Adik who would from time to time check out this blog and never fail to declare that it is BORING. Adik!! you are the one who ask me to start blogging in the first place,show some encouragement la...
(she actually said,she could only understand the conversation parts and it is boring because there is no picture at all. I will post some picture once the know-how comes to me...InsyaAllah,by the time you are big enough to really read and appreciate this blog, you will see some pictures as well.)


Anyway....


Mama and Abah are so keen on Az-zain products that we decided to stock up on them...and what better way to do it othen than become a distributor? So,we went out and bought a deep freezer and stocking up. Mama sent out text messages to a group of selected friends,families and neighbours informing them about our new venture. Turn out that they really are supportive and are actually quite well-informed on halalan toyyiban food. So, Alhamdulillah...so far so good. The profit margin is so tiny that Abah said we have to be in business for 10 years before we got back on what we have invested....it was a joke, really. Profits is not our main concern. To be able to have not only halaal but pure food is. 

Az-zain products contains no artificial growth hormones and haraam materials such as hydrolized protein, bloodmeal and porcinemeal. They are also free from synthetic chemicals and genetically modified organism used to intensify production in the normal farm.


One of the bad effects of regularly feeding on this 'artificially' reared animals is early puberty which then will be followed by a series of social problem...being involved with the shelter homes makes me more aware of this. The age of trainees coming in nowadays is getting younger and younger. We even have a thirteen year old.....that's really makes me shiver. And to think that for one reported/discovered case, there would be tens more like it out there....


So, Abang and Adik, we dont want you to grow up faster than you should.....
(i would lose my two staunch admirers who think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world,the best cook ,the best storyteller and the best of everything...you would realise that it is not true once you grow up and out of my wings,huhuhu.....)


p/s
1. thanks to Cik Jah for forwarding the mail informing the arrival of azzain to KB. Nanti balik kelate,maghi la dumoh, kito blanjo make burger yg fat free,msg free and 90% meat.

2. to Adik...i've finally figure out how to add pictures....we start with a photo of Grey and others will come along, tungguuuu!!