Monday, January 27, 2014

A NEW START.....

Okay...I have left this space long enough. I know.

 Lets see, errmm my last entry was in August last year, so, its been 4 months. 4 months wherein so many things happened  and have changed our pattern of life quite significantly. Yup, I know both of  you, Abang and Adik, for whom this blog is dedicated to, fully understood and have forgiven me for breaking the promises made. I just couldnt find the time to write in the first 3 months and did not have any creative streak in me in the last month that followed.

So, yes, my mother left me. The beautiful, gentle and most loving grandmother of yours that you fondly call Moktok.... On the 5th Dec 2013. 1 year and 4 months after her husband of more than 50 years passed on.Oh, the tears still flow writing this out....

 Mid Sept 2013, Moktok was admitted after Abah noticed her left leg was inflamed and tender to the touch. Moktok had been diabetic for quite a number of years and errr...was not the most disciplined patient at  watching what she ate as well as not very compliant to the medication provided. Two weeks in the HUSM, discharged for a couple of days only to be re-admitted into Tg Anis Hospital where we encountered the most mediocre treatment ever from hospital staff. And that is to say it mildly....We took Moktok out, AOR, after only one night . Brought her to Perdana Specialist  Hospital only to be advised to bring her back to HUSM as they dont have a nephrologist resident.  From then on, things got from bad to worse....

 2 traumatic weeks in CCU, another harrowing week in HDU and a few days in normal ward....and Moktok was then discharged, with doctor's order to continue the haemodialysis (hd) treatment that was started while she was still quite unconscious in CCU. 
Moktok on BiPAP (Bi level positive air pressure)machine in CCU

Moktok then started  attending the hd sessions regularly at a centre near her home and we were so happy to see Moktok was almost  back to her normal self  when suddenly, without any warning, she just left us....when we were having so many plans to do with her.

Indeed, Allah is The One who has the knowledge...

Now, all of us are still talking about her, reminiscing...being nostalgic and even laughing at some memories...for indeed, besides being kind hearted, Moktok could be so funny and was such a good sport. (Oh, I really miss talking and joking with her...)  More importantly, InsyaAllah all of us are praying and presenting her with our a'maal on daily basis. May Allah give us the strength to remember to do it for all our life....for Moktok and Tok Ayah had indeed shaped us into what we are today.

We have learned so many valuable lessons during those hectic months in the hospital. Most important for me, is to value and appreciate each one of us. Masya Allah, Moktok was sick just long enough to give each and everyone of her children, sons and daughters in law and most grandchildren, opportunity to serve her. And, Alhamdulillah, what an honour it was!! We got to  care for her as she did us when we were small...clean her,bathe her, dress her up, diapers n all, feed her ...and at times when she was hallucinating yet still want to pray, we recited the prayer aloud alongside her and she followed us word by word. We took turn...all of us.

 But, there was a test for us in that too...

With quite a number of us, there bound to be some moments of difficulties... and being physically and emotionally exhausted, temper did flare some times! Nothing out of control though...and Alhamdulillah all was eventually amicably settled . The practise of gently reminding and advising each other amongst us proved to be priceless. And now that Moktok , who we always thought of as the one that binds us all, is no more with us...I feel the need to be in constant contact with my siblings are stronger. And the feeling, I discovered, are mutually shared by all of my sisters and brothers and thanks to the modern day technology , it is  soooo easy to do that.....

Okay, that is all I could manage to pen down now ..... starting again was difficult, just so you know!!












4 comments:

Azie Nazri said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Innalillah... I'm so sorry for your loss!

I bet she passed away in peace looking at her children united in taking care of her during her last days.

May she be granted with jannah, amin.

Nor said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ameen to your do'a....

Has said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

An, my condolence..and I can understand the feeling. My mum passed away of heart attack on 21/5/13; and then on as if I immediately got the template of metabolic syndrome full blown and worst pain complication in a matter of 1 month....macam dapat Saka metabolic syndrome aje...and I am still struggling with emotional as well as physical pain. All in all syukur, dapat merasa the sweetness or nikmat of the suffering. May you be blessed.

Nor said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks K. Has...
Now that she's gone, I think Im slowly turning into her...except that she's always better.
The thought of shes not here anymore still feel like a stabbing in the heart everytime...
I miss reading you K. Has...May Allah ease up all your pain and sufferings and may it all be counted as kaffarah n the means to elevate your status in His eyes...