EFFECTIVE PARENTING

I attended an effective parenting workshop during one of the weekends last month. I mentioned it to two friends. One said,

“Why did you bother, you are an effective parent already maa…”. 

The other said,

" Your kids are like angels, I wish mine are more like yours…”

Little that they know I am more of a defective parent than effective one.

And those two ‘angels’ could raise your blood pressure to an immeasurable level!

The workshop was fun….Well, I didnt actually learn anything new, but it was good nevertheless. I like the first speaker’s presentation the most. I know all the 3 speakers personally, they being in the same academia world as Abah. The second speaker is an adolescence psychiatrist and the other one is a paediatrician too.

The psychiatrist put us in 3 separate groups and we were to make a role-play based on a given scenario. He wanted to see how we generally deal with our kids in a ‘difficult’ situation. He observed, invited comments from other groups and lastly, gave his professional overview.

I didnt agree with everything he said, but it was good to hear what others think.

One of the things that I do not agree in the concept of counselling is where the punishment is concern. I stick to the principle that based on the wise words of Luqman al Hakim which could be loosely translated to the meaning that, the use of the canes on our children are as indispensable as water to the plants.I often find myself in a situation where I was so angry with you two and lashed out words that were really uncalled for. I regret them as soon as it came out from my mouth. And I might have pinched or slapped your wrists on many occasions.

What makes the difference are, when I do it ‘consciously’ as opposed to doing it to satisfy my own own anger. Doing it consciously mean that I plan ahead what to say, and if the need to use the cane arises, I’ll recite Basmalah prior to it and make niyyat to actually acting upon the wisdom of Luqman and pray that you wont repeat the same mistake in future. And, MasyaAllah, it works all the time!! But, being a weak human being, I dont always remember to do it…. 

I succumbed to my own nafs …… 

Abang, Adik…I’m sorry for all those times that I simply lost it.

Interestingly, at the end of the session, the psychiatrist himself admitted that, in certain situations, he himself wouldnt practice what he preaches…..proves that there is no hard and fast rules in raising our kids. What may work with some kids would never work with some others. After all, each child is a unique individual…..

In our case, Abah and me found that though we raised you in the same way, talked to you in the same tone, try to instil into you the same values, yet both of you are like chalk and cheese. So different!! I am ever so thankful to Allah that we only have you two. Hats off to mothers who have many children and yet able to keep their sanity. I am nowhere near these wonderful women.

I have concluded long ago that whatever good or bad you have in you, doesnt really come from our teaching….well,maybe some, but not much. Lots of other things are contributing to it….Of course it is tempting to take the credit for all the good things and blame others for the bad ones, but the reality is not like that. I would say that our nightly taalem plays a very important roles. I have seen and heard good things coming out from both of you when I least expect them. Things that I have not literally teach you yet. For all your sleepiness and bored looks during the session, you do absorb like sponges!! 

Alhamdulillah….

It also proves that reading-aloud really does work wonders with kids and adults alike.