MEMORIES OF RAMADHAN 1433H...

Life has been hectic since before Ramadhan. Kakchik Ila 'checked-in' at our house a few days prior to her admission into HUSM for her prosthesis replacement operation. It was supposed to be a time-out for Mama and Kakchik as a preparation for Kakchik's long stay in hospital thereafter.

Just before Ramadhan Kakchik went into the operation theatre and endured 6 grueling hours in there. Toksu came to take over looking after Kakchik and  many of our relatives that mostly stay in KL came to visit. So, we were kept busy almost all the time, nevertheless, enjoying every minute of it. By this time Abah has left the country on official affairs and the long-delayed home  re-painting project just started. So, without Abah around,I was quite harassed to say the least.

(Kakchik's and her prosthesis need another entry on its own...InsyaAllah, one day soon.)

Our plan to frequent Kakchik's hospital room to have iftaar with her could not be realised. On the first day of Ramadhan Adik and me made a point to have iftaar with the late Tok Ayah and Moktok knowing that it it would make them happy. Tok Ayah had been unwell for quite sometimes, having problem with his bowel, but he still look okay on that day, eating well during iftaar. (Eating well as in his usual way of eating very little as was his practise for many years to keep on with the sunnah of our prophet as to his understanding.) 
 We came back after Maghrib prayer despite his asking us to stay and has suhoor with them as it was school day the next day and I did not trust myself to drive in early morning to catch Adik's bus to school should we sleep there.

Ramadhan 6th, I went to help a friend (aka my business partner) at some program organized by state government and we were just finishing when Abang Muhammad who is staying at Tok Ayah's called and said Tok Ayah has taken ill last night. Alhamdulillah it was Thursday, meaning no school day the day after. So I fetched Adik from school and dumped our stuff in an overnighter bag. 

We tended to him as he couldnt move very much by that time. Maktok had put him in diapers as he couldnt control his bowel movement anymore and we helped cleaned him at every prayer time, changed into fresh diaper,helped him with his ablution and he would pray lying down and then doze off again.
It broke my heart to see him in that way....
He woke up later on and asked me to feed him something cold, much to Maktok's relief as he had not been eating anything since the night before. After a few spoonfuls of cendul in milk, I went to the kitchen to fetch more ice on his request. Surprised I was to find him sitting up obviously by himself, waiting for me to continue feed him...just an hour before he couldnt even lift his arm!
He ate and drink the milk steadily and almost finished the whole bowl.....Adik then finished the little that remained.
We slept near him and he only woke once, again asking for something cold to drink . We were at ease by the morning and even made a joke that Tok Ayah were just being manja and wanted his children to come gather around him. Maktok teased him repeatedly...
In the morning, after he was cleaned and resting, I sat near him and started to continue my Quran recitation softly as he looked like as if he was asleep. As I was reciting, he asked me without opening his eyes, why wasnt I reciting al-Kahfi as it was Friday.I explained that I've passed that surah the day before and I  need to read continuously to meet my targeted number of Qur'an khatams for this Ramadhan. But he insisted that I read again and remind me never to skip it again as it is a sunnah. InsyaAllah  I will always remember that and I hope you two will too. 

In his old age, Tok Ayah always khatam his Qur'an readings in every two weeks.

By Saturday morning most of his children have gathered around him and he looked please though still weak. 
Cajoled by his favourite first-born son, your Ayah Long, he managed to eat pureed potassium rich fruits like bananas and grapes. He progressed from praying in lying position into sitting. By Sunday afternoon, some of my siblings went back to their respective homes(in KL mostly) with the promise to come back again as we have sort of made loose arrangement to make sure that there would always be at least one family are home with Tok Ayah at any time during this Ramadhan.

Monday morning,the house was full with children and grandchildren, and waking up for suhoor, most came and gathered around him . He asked for some cold  milk and then urged them to go and have suhoor before it was too late. He was aware of the time and of everyone. He even asked about Abah as Abah was still en route home at that time.

All the men in the family then adjourned to the mosque for fajr prayer and  and on returning, most went back to sleep. Except for Ayah Ji and Ayah Yie. Ayah Ji went to enquire about him and he told Ayah Ji not to worry about him as its only his body that was hurting, his soul was otherwise very well...
Tok Ayah then asked them to switch off the lights. Ayah Yie, a doctor as well,then requested to let the lights on again as he wanted to take  Tok Ayah's blood pressure. Bewildered he was to find that he could not register any reading. He told Ayah Ji and they immediately called us and in that delicate moments Tok Ayah was looking up and smiling at some thing and Ayah Ji recited the kalimah and Tok Ayah clearly pronounced it and then, he was gone. Just like that...
When the rest of us arrived at his bedside, we were astounded,speechless and...well, I couldnt find any more words to describe our feelings....

So Tok Ayah is no more with us....
We tried hard to fulfill all his last wishes that he had whispered a few days before.
To ensure that only his children handled his janazah...
and to be sure everything must be done in accordance with sunnah...
But Tok Ayah was a teacher unlike the teachers of today
His students loved him like their own father and they came from everywhere...
And then,more importantly, he was the one that started the work of da'awah in our village...
So, you can imagine how many hearts he had touched and how much love the village has for him...
Everyone wanted to take part in preparing for his last journey.....
and we couldnt possibly stop them.

Alhamdulillah we managed to keep things as close as to what Tok Ayah had wished for....

Abang and a few other grandchildren in far away lands did not manage to see Tok Ayah for the last time...and they all were heartbroken for Tok Ayah was much loved by everyone. Subhanallah,Tok Ayah looked ever so serene and everyone who looked noticed it....

I was  still in daze two days later when Adik told me while putting on her school uniform that she had this pain on her right-side of her tummy area and she didnt sleep at all the night before. Such high threshold for pain does this girl has!! Unlike me at all...Adik didnt bother to wake us up and even preparing to go to school!
Abah performed some tests and called his surgeon friend and we brought Adik straight to the hospital. By 1 o'clock Adik was already in the OT and  Dr Zaidi performed laparoscopic appendicectomy on her. The appendix that was taken out was big and inflamed. Adik was, MasyaAllah , a brave girl...while I was a mushy mum! She was comforting me instead of me her...just imagine! We spent two nights in the staff ward and Adik got a medical leave up until Eid...

All in all, it was all sooo tiring and I was left exhausted physically and emotionally...
But, Alhamdulillah ala kullihaal...in the last ten days of Ramadhan when Abah went to his yearly practise of full i'tikaaf, sakeenah dawned upon us all and I think this is the most tranquil Ramadhan I ever had.....

A BLESSED ENDING....

Yesterday, Monday 10th of Ramadhan 1433H at 6.50AM, my beloved,kind,ever-smiling,pious father, your most gentle and caring grandfather, HJ MUSTAFA B MUHAMMAD departed from this world.....

Cant write much about it yet. Not until I can chase away these small black birds that are still  flying around my heart,humming sad tunes. Till then...

(wrote about him here sometimes before...)

OUR BASHFUL BOY.....

Okay, I  do realise that its already July and I didnt deliver my monthly entry in June  as promised to my two beloved children. Sorry ya Abang and Adik...

So, here I am writing in early July and hopefully will write again at the end of this month to make up for last month's. (Children, I'm trying to set a good example here on fulfilling any promises made, if you cannot tell already).

Abang was home for a very short break of 4 days in June. And it was made to feel shorter as we immediately left home after he arrived to attend Tok Su's kenduri in Bangi. It was a wedding reception of Abang Faiq and Kak Min. Alhamdulillah, both Abang and Adik made us proud for the khidmat they both did at Tok Su's. We arrived home late Saturday night and on Sunday morning Abang caught the flight back to Penang. He didnt have enough time to enjoy the newly-fitted air conditioner unit in his bedroom!

There's a story behind this air-conditioner thingy...

When Abang was younger, he was, well...a bit too 'soft' for a boy. Yes, it was our fault, we must admit. Okay, okay, its MY fault! Satisfied Abah?

So, not to elaborate his manjaness  thus embarrassing him, suffice to say that we got worried when he was about 7 and still cried whenever he had a fight with Adik...Adik, on the other hand, rarely cried. You were a lot tougher when you were smaller Dik. Nowadays, everything seems to has undergone a  360 degree changes though!!

the playroom- while Abang was always a tad too prim and proper, the tough Adik would eat everything including flashcards and books.....

So, Abah and me had a discussion and somehow we came to decide that we have to start being more firm with Abang, in every aspect. You two were still sharing a bedroom at that time and we soon  decided for you to sleep separately. So we converted the playroom into Abang's new room and decided not to fit it with air-conditioning unit as one of our strategies to toughen Abang up hahaha...and no goose feather pillows for Abang too!

Alhamdulillah, I think it did work...at least when Abang first entered madrasah he didnt make any complain about the sleeping arrangement! 

And now, after nearly 3 years in the madrasah, Abang has become totally different from the boy who once would only eat mostly white-coloured food, very particular about what he was gonna wear  and cannot tolerate any stain on his clothing, amongst many other things. (hmm...writing these down somehow made sense of what Abah said...I was the one who influenced him in the first place, oh no!!!)

Anyway...

As Abang now travels the distance of nearly 400km between home and madrasah on his own  regularly, we are convinced that Abang is tough enough hehehe...Not to mention going to mosque in the dawn and dusk alone if Abah is not home and is always ready to lend his muscle in any situation. He is certainly  most helpful and very handy to have around when you need help MasyaAllah. And good influence on Adik too...Adik's degree of rajinness always climb a few notches higher when Abang's home...

When he's home, post ta'alim sessions , Abang would come and lepak either in our room or Adik's  and would reluctantly retired to his not so cool room at sleeping time. During hot season, it'll be worse as his room is on the west part, thus absorbing the full brunt of afternoon sun. 

So,we gave him a surprise this time around...I even put in a brand new bed cover to spruce things up. (  Abang is  very particular about having one on top of his bed sheet) . He arrived home by bus after Asr and stepped in his room. We were waiting to hear what he was going to say. If it was Adik, we would be sure of the reaction as she is one expressive girl, but Abang is totally on the opposite. So we heard nothing at all....and he came out to have dinner and Abah had to ask him! And he looked at us and gave a w-i-i-i-i-d-e smile with his big shining eyes that said a thousand words. And Abah, Adik and Mama have a BIIIIG laugh!!

That's our Abang, who very rarely ask for anything and always very appreciative when is given something. May Allah increases His rahmah on him, InsyaAllah...

GARDENING N REFLECTING....

Looking around my (so-called) garden got me thinking...
About life in general.
How we strive for something and arrive at the result. Sometimes we achieve more ,yet sometimes less than what we expect , regardless of our effort, though  the hardworking ones( or more accurately, those who work smart and disciplined ) will usually reap more.
At other times though, we do not get it at all.
But there are times that we  get what we do not make any effort whatsoever towards it and yet it brings smiles to our lips when it appears. We feel blessed, provided that we are the kind of people who never take things for granted, however small it is...

It boils down to how we are actually totally dependable on Almighty Allah.
We make effort as it is required of us ( and make do'a , of course)...but the end result is wholly HIS.
And HE wants to see how grateful we are to His bounty.
Verily those who are grateful will surely get more...

As I am so much into gardening now, I visit many gardening blogs, gawking at the colourful healthy-looking plants people post on their blogs. And read their notes, learning one or two new things everyday. And comparing them  with my unkempt wild-looking garden. I envy those neat-looking gardens with awesome produce.

 But then, I found many interesting things as well...

I found in my backyard many plants that other people have been tending well and yet are not satisfied with the result. I made a small effort of planting them long ago and they grew so well that now, they have become weeds!! Valuable weeds though, I must add. Alhamdulillah. They are everywhere, providing us with colours, smell and nutrients...
They are almost always there even if the gardener cut them close to ground at an interval. Very resilient indeed. One of them is this sawtooth coriander.

Then, there are those that  crop up just like that...weeds too, but very beneficial. No effort made whatsoever. MasyaAllah...

Bunga telang for nasi kerabu,ginseng leaves for ulam n added into soup,pepperomia for the salad bowl and ulam raja,the all time favourite

In my February posting I wrote about the plants that I started growing. Alhamdulillah, they grew well and were pleasantly  and proudly presented in our meals ( especially those salad leaves), except for one. The spinach. They just refused to flourish as as  well as others and before I knew it, they have started bolting. We didnt get to eat any of them...
But surprise,surprise....
A couple of days ago, I took a close look at some greens that have been growing at the spot where the Pakcik Gardener burns the odds cutting that are too big to go into our compost heap. And, Subhanallah, I found them spinach!!! Healthy green perfect spinach...

As for the compost heap,in the past  we have had tomato cherries and eggplants from it!!They all just grow from the kitchen scraps that we threw in.

But then,I almost never have success with chilli. I fussed and fussed over them. Picking up the bugs that just love to nestle under their leaves with my own bare hands...much to the amazement of Abah! Feed them plants with fertilizer and my home-made enzyme...to no use.
As much as all of us loves chilli in our food, the chilli just doesnt love our soil I guess. Its okay though. Alhamdulillah 'ala kullihaal.

But I will keep trying.

The inedible ornamental plants also behave much the same...
I got these pretty butterfly plants everywhere, after buying one small pot of it in a nursery looong time ago.

 Oxalis triangularis being the proper name.

And this pretty torenia that keeps cropping up  everywhere...

disguising amongst the salad leaves...

This one never fail to delight me...and others too. Toksu, C.Lah and Tok are always happy to receive them and they are good as food as well as in flower bowls.

Just last week we used two fully blossomed ones to decorate fruit basket for K.Long Syida's engagement do.

There are many other exciting plants in our front and backyard that I couldnt possibly upload all..but if you take a walk in my garden, you are sure to feel blessed...at least I DO!!

AT THE BOOK FAIR...

Two days ago, Adik and me found ourselves suffocated amongst people and books...

Yes, we were at the 2012 International Book Fair at PWTC. With a nod from Abah when asked whether we could buy just about anything we fancy, off we went high-spiritedly.

We were staying at Sunway Putra Hotel which is just across the road from where the fair is taking place. And  Abah has taken me the day before, so there's no wonder here why I was so brave as to go without him. Adik didnt join us on the first trip as she was having fun at the ice-skating rink with Kakak Rahil, Kak Iybah, Kak Maryam, Aqim and others. As for me, I didnt have chance to actually look at  'my kind of books' as I was following Abah on his medical books shopping spree! Yes, a spree it really was as he got to spend thousands and thousands of RM on his choice of books....Mind you, not one cent came out of his own pocket though. He was buying for HUSM library!!  Still, I was green with envy...All those serious books were on the 3rd floor and we spent almost the whole afternoon there. I fancied some books on nutrition while tagging Abah but as they were newly published books, there were no discount on them. Abah, on the other hand, didnt even have to look at the price tag!

Adik screamed when she heard that we went to book fair without her...Fret not Adik, I said...we are going again!!

So, there we were...Adik went quite crazy picking this and that books and Mama was quite cool as I have more or less made up my mind the day before of what to get.

Here are some photos for you to look in future Adik...and to show off to Abang, hehe.

Part of the catch of the day...all at heavily discounted prices.

Adik cant wait to bury her nose in books( as well as a box of cinnabon)

SHE'S 13 AND HE'S 15...

 February 19th and March 5th this year, Adik and Abang became 13 and 15 respectively. The journey into challenging adolescence life thus began for both of you. Its not gonna be easy...a fact acknowledged by all parents worldwide but seems to elude the teenagers themselves. And Adik especially ( as she's living at home with me) could tell that how often I emphasize on this issue alone. Working with those teenagers with social problem at the shelter home, seeing them on the streets, watching them on the idiot box only reaffirm my fear. I never want you two to go through life the same way as most the teenagers today do. They seems to exist with  nary a care in the world  except for having the latest gadgets so that they have uninterrupted social life. And, its their interpretation of social life that worry me most....

I am constantly feeling grateful that Abang is in a madrassah. That alone has eliminated half of the challenges he might be facing outside. We as  parents, works the other half with lots and lots of do'a. I admit that I worry more on you Adik...being a girl and having to go through daily life as a student in a normal school environment. Regardless of it being an all girl school and a religious one to boot, I can easily  see that constant supervision from us is never to be dwindled.

Okay, I know that I have to be very grateful for so many things that  Allah has bestows upon you two. Abah , times and again, has reminded me to be more realistic, as  I tend to have a suspicious mind and it irritates  both Abah and Adik. I cant help it!!! Listening to those teenagers at the shelter home recount their life stories put me there!! I have seen and heard cases of all kinds. And how  it could happen to just about anybody. So, Adik and Abang, when you are reading this in future, maybe as parents yourself, you would understand my stance and would forgive me for giving you never-ending lectures at every single opportunity!

I do feel blessed that both of you are born healthy and are still in sound condition physically and emotionally. And I am grateful that both of you needed no prompting anymore in doing all the basic requirements of our religion, Alhamdulillah. As for Abang, MasyaAllah, he's doing lots more than the basics. And Adik too, is catching up. Academically too, I have not much to worry about. So, all in all, people could say that I have nothing to worry about...but, I do!

 Because I want you two to be better in the eyes of Allah....

Forward thinking is the way to go. We are not living our life just for this moment. Or our near future. We are living it for our final destination...And there's no other way of doing it except for sticking to sunnah way of life, really have to grip it as hard as we can. The lifestyle of today, on the contrary,  seems to pry us away and away from it...

So, Abang and Adik...in a nutshell, what exactly we are hoping from you are, for you two to live this life fully aware that you are answerable to every single thing you do. All your action will have effect on you and your surrounding.  Life is not supposed to be easy, it's a big test for all of us....

Errr...EXCUSES?

Oh no, its the last day of February already!!!

I am SO going to write something today so as not to be accused of breaking my promise to Adik to at least post one entry in a month. She is already upset as it is, as she was expecting me to post something on her birthday few days ago.( Sorry Sayang, InsyaAllah next month ya, sekali dengan Abang's birthday.)

After dragging ever so slowly in the last month, February seems to come charging at me with a vengeance. To begin with, Alhamdulillah, the gym got a new trainer. A proper one this time. She comes with a degree in Sports Science and have worked with athletes in National Sports Council (MSN). Needless to say, I am being constantly 'tortured' three times a week now. For my own good that is...So, there goes three morning in a week, another morning goes to my work at the shelter home and the last day in the week is supposed to be spent  in discussion with my business partner. Then  come Fridays for majlis ilmu and Saturdays for letting our hair down at either Tok Ayahs' places. See, I have no free mornings that I can sit and write Adik. Please understand ya!

A brief rest after Zuhr and there I go braving the traffic across the town to fetch Adik from school. The journey to and fro takes one hour of my time, come back and busied myself cooking dinner. Okay, the dinner is always a quick one, nothing fancy, just something grilled, big bowl of salad and some kind of bread. But still...
Evenings are spent doing exercises on my Arabic lessons. I am now (proudly haha) able to make simple sentences. Before bedtimes, I teach Abah whatever I have learnt on that particular day . Strangely enough, Abah seems to be able to make longer sentences than me. His daily numerous text messaging to me now are all in  Arabic. It really is NOT fair! I guess his frequent trips to those universities in Makkah and Madinah for his Hajj research does help. He has more vocab than me...However, his nahw ( arabic grammar) are all down the drain ... Adik likens Abah's speaking Arabic to the Roald Dahl's  Big Friendly Giant's speaking English. And Abah was offended,hehe.. 
Anyway.

And my last alasan is these;

Green Parade Salad

Hawaiian Salad

Cucumber plants that seriously need staking (for Abah's attention!)

Bayam Hijau Daun Tajam

Newly sprouting Sawi Hong Kong

and all those came in this package...

See, I have successfully grown salad(amongst other veges)! Something I thought was only possible on highlands with colder temperature.  How ignorant I was ( and still am in many other areas!). I spend the early mornings after Abah and Adik leave the house right there in our backyard. It takes quite sometimes as I try to do organic gardening, meaning I have to resort to picking all those ulats with my own fingers!!

Thanks En Iskandar for sending many other free packets of seeds along with the ones that  I paid for.I am spoilt for choice when choosing which seeds to be planted first!

 It got me thinking the abundance of pahala he and others who practise this seeds sharing in the blogsphere would get. Just imagine, people grow the veges, eat them, and got the seed to be planted again and again. Its amal jariah for them, MasyaAllah.

Okay, got to go now...my meeting with my partner is cancelled today as she is attending a course, so off I am to the salon for the long overdue hair treatment...

p/s

 1. harap segala alasan2 Mama di terima seadanya ya Dik

 2. Thanks Adik... for creating new header and all...but I am now going to change my password as I have quite enough of different header and colour every so often. So, go play with your own blog ok, and leave mine alone!!