MEMORIES OF RAMADHAN 1433H...

Life has been hectic since before Ramadhan. Kakchik Ila 'checked-in' at our house a few days prior to her admission into HUSM for her prosthesis replacement operation. It was supposed to be a time-out for Mama and Kakchik as a preparation for Kakchik's long stay in hospital thereafter.

Just before Ramadhan Kakchik went into the operation theatre and endured 6 grueling hours in there. Toksu came to take over looking after Kakchik and  many of our relatives that mostly stay in KL came to visit. So, we were kept busy almost all the time, nevertheless, enjoying every minute of it. By this time Abah has left the country on official affairs and the long-delayed home  re-painting project just started. So, without Abah around,I was quite harassed to say the least.

(Kakchik's and her prosthesis need another entry on its own...InsyaAllah, one day soon.)

Our plan to frequent Kakchik's hospital room to have iftaar with her could not be realised. On the first day of Ramadhan Adik and me made a point to have iftaar with the late Tok Ayah and Moktok knowing that it it would make them happy. Tok Ayah had been unwell for quite sometimes, having problem with his bowel, but he still look okay on that day, eating well during iftaar. (Eating well as in his usual way of eating very little as was his practise for many years to keep on with the sunnah of our prophet as to his understanding.) 
 We came back after Maghrib prayer despite his asking us to stay and has suhoor with them as it was school day the next day and I did not trust myself to drive in early morning to catch Adik's bus to school should we sleep there.

Ramadhan 6th, I went to help a friend (aka my business partner) at some program organized by state government and we were just finishing when Abang Muhammad who is staying at Tok Ayah's called and said Tok Ayah has taken ill last night. Alhamdulillah it was Thursday, meaning no school day the day after. So I fetched Adik from school and dumped our stuff in an overnighter bag. 

We tended to him as he couldnt move very much by that time. Maktok had put him in diapers as he couldnt control his bowel movement anymore and we helped cleaned him at every prayer time, changed into fresh diaper,helped him with his ablution and he would pray lying down and then doze off again.
It broke my heart to see him in that way....
He woke up later on and asked me to feed him something cold, much to Maktok's relief as he had not been eating anything since the night before. After a few spoonfuls of cendul in milk, I went to the kitchen to fetch more ice on his request. Surprised I was to find him sitting up obviously by himself, waiting for me to continue feed him...just an hour before he couldnt even lift his arm!
He ate and drink the milk steadily and almost finished the whole bowl.....Adik then finished the little that remained.
We slept near him and he only woke once, again asking for something cold to drink . We were at ease by the morning and even made a joke that Tok Ayah were just being manja and wanted his children to come gather around him. Maktok teased him repeatedly...
In the morning, after he was cleaned and resting, I sat near him and started to continue my Quran recitation softly as he looked like as if he was asleep. As I was reciting, he asked me without opening his eyes, why wasnt I reciting al-Kahfi as it was Friday.I explained that I've passed that surah the day before and I  need to read continuously to meet my targeted number of Qur'an khatams for this Ramadhan. But he insisted that I read again and remind me never to skip it again as it is a sunnah. InsyaAllah  I will always remember that and I hope you two will too. 

In his old age, Tok Ayah always khatam his Qur'an readings in every two weeks.

By Saturday morning most of his children have gathered around him and he looked please though still weak. 
Cajoled by his favourite first-born son, your Ayah Long, he managed to eat pureed potassium rich fruits like bananas and grapes. He progressed from praying in lying position into sitting. By Sunday afternoon, some of my siblings went back to their respective homes(in KL mostly) with the promise to come back again as we have sort of made loose arrangement to make sure that there would always be at least one family are home with Tok Ayah at any time during this Ramadhan.

Monday morning,the house was full with children and grandchildren, and waking up for suhoor, most came and gathered around him . He asked for some cold  milk and then urged them to go and have suhoor before it was too late. He was aware of the time and of everyone. He even asked about Abah as Abah was still en route home at that time.

All the men in the family then adjourned to the mosque for fajr prayer and  and on returning, most went back to sleep. Except for Ayah Ji and Ayah Yie. Ayah Ji went to enquire about him and he told Ayah Ji not to worry about him as its only his body that was hurting, his soul was otherwise very well...
Tok Ayah then asked them to switch off the lights. Ayah Yie, a doctor as well,then requested to let the lights on again as he wanted to take  Tok Ayah's blood pressure. Bewildered he was to find that he could not register any reading. He told Ayah Ji and they immediately called us and in that delicate moments Tok Ayah was looking up and smiling at some thing and Ayah Ji recited the kalimah and Tok Ayah clearly pronounced it and then, he was gone. Just like that...
When the rest of us arrived at his bedside, we were astounded,speechless and...well, I couldnt find any more words to describe our feelings....

So Tok Ayah is no more with us....
We tried hard to fulfill all his last wishes that he had whispered a few days before.
To ensure that only his children handled his janazah...
and to be sure everything must be done in accordance with sunnah...
But Tok Ayah was a teacher unlike the teachers of today
His students loved him like their own father and they came from everywhere...
And then,more importantly, he was the one that started the work of da'awah in our village...
So, you can imagine how many hearts he had touched and how much love the village has for him...
Everyone wanted to take part in preparing for his last journey.....
and we couldnt possibly stop them.

Alhamdulillah we managed to keep things as close as to what Tok Ayah had wished for....

Abang and a few other grandchildren in far away lands did not manage to see Tok Ayah for the last time...and they all were heartbroken for Tok Ayah was much loved by everyone. Subhanallah,Tok Ayah looked ever so serene and everyone who looked noticed it....

I was  still in daze two days later when Adik told me while putting on her school uniform that she had this pain on her right-side of her tummy area and she didnt sleep at all the night before. Such high threshold for pain does this girl has!! Unlike me at all...Adik didnt bother to wake us up and even preparing to go to school!
Abah performed some tests and called his surgeon friend and we brought Adik straight to the hospital. By 1 o'clock Adik was already in the OT and  Dr Zaidi performed laparoscopic appendicectomy on her. The appendix that was taken out was big and inflamed. Adik was, MasyaAllah , a brave girl...while I was a mushy mum! She was comforting me instead of me her...just imagine! We spent two nights in the staff ward and Adik got a medical leave up until Eid...

All in all, it was all sooo tiring and I was left exhausted physically and emotionally...
But, Alhamdulillah ala kullihaal...in the last ten days of Ramadhan when Abah went to his yearly practise of full i'tikaaf, sakeenah dawned upon us all and I think this is the most tranquil Ramadhan I ever had.....