EFFECTIVE PARENTING

I attended an effective parenting workshop during one of the weekends last month. I mentioned it to two friends. One said,

“Why did you bother, you are an effective parent already maa…”. 

The other said,

" Your kids are like angels, I wish mine are more like yours…”

Little that they know I am more of a defective parent than effective one.

And those two ‘angels’ could raise your blood pressure to an immeasurable level!

The workshop was fun….Well, I didnt actually learn anything new, but it was good nevertheless. I like the first speaker’s presentation the most. I know all the 3 speakers personally, they being in the same academia world as Abah. The second speaker is an adolescence psychiatrist and the other one is a paediatrician too.

The psychiatrist put us in 3 separate groups and we were to make a role-play based on a given scenario. He wanted to see how we generally deal with our kids in a ‘difficult’ situation. He observed, invited comments from other groups and lastly, gave his professional overview.

I didnt agree with everything he said, but it was good to hear what others think.

One of the things that I do not agree in the concept of counselling is where the punishment is concern. I stick to the principle that based on the wise words of Luqman al Hakim which could be loosely translated to the meaning that, the use of the canes on our children are as indispensable as water to the plants.I often find myself in a situation where I was so angry with you two and lashed out words that were really uncalled for. I regret them as soon as it came out from my mouth. And I might have pinched or slapped your wrists on many occasions.

What makes the difference are, when I do it ‘consciously’ as opposed to doing it to satisfy my own own anger. Doing it consciously mean that I plan ahead what to say, and if the need to use the cane arises, I’ll recite Basmalah prior to it and make niyyat to actually acting upon the wisdom of Luqman and pray that you wont repeat the same mistake in future. And, MasyaAllah, it works all the time!! But, being a weak human being, I dont always remember to do it…. 

I succumbed to my own nafs …… 

Abang, Adik…I’m sorry for all those times that I simply lost it.

Interestingly, at the end of the session, the psychiatrist himself admitted that, in certain situations, he himself wouldnt practice what he preaches…..proves that there is no hard and fast rules in raising our kids. What may work with some kids would never work with some others. After all, each child is a unique individual…..

In our case, Abah and me found that though we raised you in the same way, talked to you in the same tone, try to instil into you the same values, yet both of you are like chalk and cheese. So different!! I am ever so thankful to Allah that we only have you two. Hats off to mothers who have many children and yet able to keep their sanity. I am nowhere near these wonderful women.

I have concluded long ago that whatever good or bad you have in you, doesnt really come from our teaching….well,maybe some, but not much. Lots of other things are contributing to it….Of course it is tempting to take the credit for all the good things and blame others for the bad ones, but the reality is not like that. I would say that our nightly taalem plays a very important roles. I have seen and heard good things coming out from both of you when I least expect them. Things that I have not literally teach you yet. For all your sleepiness and bored looks during the session, you do absorb like sponges!! 

Alhamdulillah….

It also proves that reading-aloud really does work wonders with kids and adults alike.

SENTIMENTAL BOOK MEME

Kittykat tags me to do this meme. And with tags of all kinds, there are a certain set of so-called rules to be followed….BUT…I am not the most ‘sporting’ blogger, I’m going to break bend some of the rules here… 
(sorry Kitty, you may not want to include me in future tags after this, and I’ll understand, no worries….)

For those who are interested, you can read the rules here.

But of course I have valid reasons for being a spoilsport…….

Anyway, here goes my list…..

THE BOOK THAT’S BEEN ON YOUR SHELVES THE LONGEST

My shelves? My own shelves? Hemm..let’s see. We have been in this house close to 10 years now and yes, I can see that those Patchwork and Quilting books have been there forever. Now, they do bring back memories….
Those years of loneliness, in cold Royston Hill of Glasgow, when you two havent arrived in our life. I occupied my time, trying to beat the winter blues , with this self-taught craft. I made many beautiful things, quilt,pillow covers, table clothes etc ,scattered throughout our home and also as gifts to friends and families, which were always highly appreciated. I used to be crazy about it,spending my money on books,materials and gadgets. (Mail orders are just so reliable over there.) 
 Alas, the passion has died now….

Here they are…….

I have though of donating the books to the library so that they could bring enjoyment to others as they have brought me. BUT, I still cannot bring myself to do that. I guess I’m still hoping that one day, the passion will resurface….or, you , Adik, may want to take it up later….Sewing is, especially with your hand, is a good way to occupy your time and I read somewhere that the syaitaan find it difficult to kacau orang yang menjahit….I think there’s some truth in it. Time flies quickly when you are at it and you could recite as much zikrullah as you go about it.

THE BOOK THAT REMINDS YOU OF SOMETHING SPECIAL IN YOUR LIFE ( a person, a place,a time, etc)

HAYATUS SAHABAH VOL 2….I always have this warm tingly feeling whenever my eyes chanced upon it. Abah gave it to me during our short engagement period.(he actually sent it via Tok Ayah when they met at the markaz where they gathered every thursday night.Yes, Tok ayah was our 'posmen',haha!) 
On the memo page, there was this sweet little note, he wrote,"....
Well... sorry, I changed my mind, not gonna publish it here, its kinda private. But, you two, Abang n Adik, can check it out yourselves. 
Ok,ok...I'll share a bit of it...in a nutshell, he asked me to read on the marriage of Hazrat Ali r.a to Fatimah r.a...and wished the same could be done in our wedding ceremony. It sounds impossible at first, but, Alhamdulillah, with a twist of fate , we were able to pull it off.....not 100%, but close.... 
What made it even sweeter was, accompanying the book was this very pretty colourful beads rosary(tasbih) that Abah strung himself as a token of love for me….hihi… 
(so you can just imagine how I then said my daily tasbeehat using that tasbeeh while day-dreaming of my future husband!!)

A BOOK YOU ACQUIRED IN SOME INTERESTING WAY (gift,serendipity in a used bookstore,prize, etc)

This book….

It was presented to me at a Reading Contest held at our favourite library. Only a good friend like Niza, or popularly known as Kak Chik, would think that I was fit to be a judge….So, there I was, being a judge ( but couldnt pick Adik as a winner because she’s my daughter!!) . That was the first and the last time I was chosen to be a judge…..hahaha

Anyway,it’s a good book that we had read over and over again in those years of reading aloud together….hemm, suddenly I”m missing those moments…. ( Kitty, this really is a sentimental book meme!!)

A BOOK THAT’S BEEN WITH YOU TO THE MOST PLACES

Muntakhab Hadis

THE MOST RECENT ADDITION TO YOUR SHELVES

The Kite Runner. 

I know, I know…its kind of ketinggalan keretapi…but I read Khaled Hosseini’s second book , A Thousand Splendid Suns, first , and it made so much impact on me that I just thought, I must read his debut novel. I Read the ATSS exactly at that time the attack on Gaza was going strong, so, the effect was indescribable… I really felt for those who had to live their everyday lives with mortars and bullets whizzing over their heads 24/7. I just have to say that the book was so intense that at times I just had to stop reading and go doing something else for sometimes until all those overwhelming feelings subsided. I’ve yet to finish the Kite Runner, but so far, so good…

A BONUS BOOK THAT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT BUT DOESNT FIT INTO THE OTHER QUESTIONS

This book…. 
 

I have read it many times and always get new perspective, new understanding every time. I realise that only with the ihsan of Allah would anyone be granted the real understanding of deen….I just hope that we would be blessed enough to be able to grasp the wisdom contain therein….Someone, may Allah bless you, has been putting up excerpts of the book here.

As I grow older, I became very choosy of the books I read, more so on religion-themed ones. It is so easy to be influenced and, Na’uzubillah, corrupted, by what we reads and perceive as right with our limited intelligence. I am forever grateful for my own brother, an alim in all four mazhabs, wherefrom I always get good advice and to whom I always turn, whenever I’m in doubt, apart from Abah of course. I would also like to remind you, Abang and Adik, to always hold these two uncles of you, Ayah Cik Razif and Ayah Ji,(the two maulanas in our family) in high esteem, and to always seek their wisdom in all your urusan dunia dan akhirat.

Now, I just cannot think of anybody to tag…… as a reluctant blogger, I dont have many friends in the blogosphere. And the one I know, Niza is already being tagged. All my nieces and nephews that made up the majority of readers of this blog are all busy with their never-ending assignments/thesis whatever. My two loyal readers who might be suitable to tag, do not blog. So, how??

I, however would like to tag my new-found friend Jannah…..but, of course I would understand if she refuse to do this…..(as i myself has refused to take an award given by a friend and she understood it which made me forever grateful to her)