Wednesday, October 22, 2008


On the second day of Raya, S, the 14 y.o trainee gave birth to a boy. I didnt get to see them until a week later when my class resumed. The baby usually stay with the mother not more than one week in the Home, but with people still in holiday mood, the adoption process was slow. Thus, I got to see her nursing the baby.....and the image stuck in my mind . And it is most disturbing.....

She is so small, that was so not right to see her breastfeeding the baby. The breasts were naturally engorged and disfigured her and she had this bewildered look in her eyes.....

I cried there and then, which is not appropriate at all.

I always have a soft spot for her since she was referred to this Home by the JKM. She is a real rape victim as opposed to those alleged ones(where they claimed to be raped, but upon questioning, its always the same old story of following the boys home after a few, it cannot be classified as rape per se as they are looking for it!) . Raped by a stoned neighbour, assisted by her own auntie who is the girlfriend of the said addict!!

When she first came, she had this empty look on in her eyes. She is a pretty girl with big round eyes but those eyes are always staring through you, as if you dont exist. She didnt talk, didnt smile and cowered everytime we spoke to her.
During interview, she said nothing at all. 
The manager only got the story from her mother who is a factory worker. When I finally met her a week later, she opened up to me. Detailing the two occasions she was violated. She spoke with this small and innocent voice that really affected me.

The wretched drug-addict was subsequently arrested but guess what? His parents bailed him out and then, had the gut to go and scolded S's grandma for reporting their son!! Huh! some people.........

She gradually warm up to the kakak-kakak at the Home. After about 3 months, she finally "see", and generally have purpose in her eyes again. It was really a blessing in disguise for her to end up here. She has stopped schooling after finishing primary school, therefore didnt read very well ,couldnt recite the qur'an, almost never pray and actually living no life at all.....

Nowadays, she reads confidently, finishing the muqaddam and jokes around with other trainees, even able to ask questions in class. She is well-liked by all, never brought any problem to the management, always helpful.I think she is happier here than in her own home.
Her family cannot afford the fee, so she is fully sponsored by the Home itself.

I shuddered thinking about the home she is going to go back to, few months from now. The small space occcupied by 9 other people including THE auntie and S's stepfather......I did talk to Abah about the possibility of 'adopting' her....Abah has no problem with the idea but I'm quite sure her mother wont listen to it. As for you two, Abang and adik, I'm sure you would like to have a live-in kakak......kan?? Let us pray to Allah to give the best solution for this......

As I'm writing this, M, the manager text me about not yet finding the suitable family to adopt S's baby......We do have a waiting list for adopting family but it seems that everyone wants a girl. And girls are rarely born here for the reasons known only to Allah.

Poor S...its hard enough to give up your own child for adoption.

Those tear-jerking moments at Oath Commissioner's I've endured during the days I managed the Home. A child is a child, however way it is born.....those girls would cry their hearts out forgetting that they never want the baby in the first place( some even tried to abort them.....) 
We tried to go over the adoption process as soon as possible, before the bonding of mother and baby set in to avoid more stress on the mothers.

Poor, poor will be very hard for her as the bonding has surely taken place now. It's been nearly a month. I pray for a good family to come soon and take the baby to raise as their own.......

Sunday, October 12, 2008


Actually, it started one week into Ramadhan with Mak Tok. High grade fever which then subsided after a few days but the lethargy remains for quite some times.
Mak Tok regained vitality with the coming home of her anak-cucu and much missed Tok Ayah who had been spending time on the path of Allah, spreading deen.
The other Tok Ayah( Abah's father) then took over. He couldnt even make it for Eid prayer at the mosque. And up until today, Tok Ayah is still weak. Being old, one thing lead to another. He is now suffering from gout and bad cough as well.

On 3rd Syawwal, as usual, we held our open house . 
Family members from 8am to 12am and friends after Jumaat prayer. We got Nasi Dagang with two types of curries, ketupat palas and rendang, nasi himpit and sambal su'un, satay, jelly and assortments of cakes and cookies. ( Thankyou to KakChik Khadijah and Kakak Naheed for helping out the night before, really appreciate it, next year, tolongla lagi....) 

 By 12, most of our family were here and soon after, took off for their respective long journey home. By 1 o'clock Adik was very quiet, didnt even smile when Aisyah and Anah came. Mama thought it was due to sadness of parting with her many cousins who had been sleeping over for the past few days. Rupa2nya Adik dah 'caught' the virus......

When they came in the morning, Pak Uda, Mak Uda, Kak Teh Naufa and Qayya were already squirming with fever . Ayah Chik Razif came alone as Cik La and kids were already not well. Mak who went home a bit later than others reported that she had to drive all the way to their home in Kota Damansara as Ayah had a high temperature and couldnt possibly drive.

Everybody else seems to pick up from there. Ayah Mat and family, Cik Jah's kids, Mak Su Pah's and even Mama !!

Mak Uda called yesterday inquiring about Tok Ayah and told us how Pak Uda is still not well. Let's pray that their family will be well soon as they are going to have a kenduri kahwin Abang Ngah in 2 weeks time.

That's the characteristic of this fever that everyone seems to succumb. Slow recovery. Maybe it's due to our body being weak after a month long of fasting. The kids loose their appetites and the elders ( me included) are aching all over the body, more so in the leg area . I personally feel my bones rattle and my joints click whenever I move. Got both of them arthralgia and myalgia.

My friend, Dr Noran, thought, instead of normal viral fever, it might be Chikungunya.....sad news is, there is no specific treatment for it.

I guess we all just have to endure it.....patiently, while hoping for rewards from Allah. And may it become the atonement
of our sins.......

Abang and Adik on the 1st shawwal.